Letters, Letters to My Future Soulmate, Life, Living, Love, Poetry, spirituality, Thoughts

letters to my future soulmate // the third

Mon amour,

Where are you? I’m waiting. Waiting for you to arrive. Waiting for that moment when you walk into the room and I know – just know  – this is it, this is the woman I’ve been waiting for. I’ve finally found you. I wait because when that moment comes, I want to remember exactly what it felt like. I want the moment I fell in love to be indelibly written upon on my heart. So that for the rest of our lives when we go through the hard times and the painful times and the dry times I can hold onto that feeling of first loves and it will carry us through.

Where are you? I’m floating. People tell me I need to learn to be happy loving myself first. That I need to figure myself out first. That maybe God’s going to make me wait longer so that I can keep growing. I’ve dreamt since before I can remember that I would find you and we would marry young. The same age my parents were when they married, in fact – 21. Well, here I am at 21 and you’re nowhere in sight. People tell me that maybe God’s going to make me wait. Three, five, ten more years. I’m not okay with that. Because I’m floating. My life is great. I have a great family and amazing friends. But my life isn’t moving. I’ve paused. And I’m frustrated because I can’t see my future. I can’t see you anywhere. I can’t see the family I’ve always wanted. All I can see is the lonely nights. And all I can hear is people telling me to trust God and I’m trying, but how do I do that when that means letting go of you. At least for now. Because there’s an empty place in my heart where my future belongs.

I don’t understand. Why does this generational curse linger upon me? Why am I forced into the stereotype by the millennial generation? They tell me, “You millennials are getting married older anyway. It’s okay.” No, it’s not okay. I’m different. I always have been. And I’m my own person. I don’t deserve to be confined by a group of people who are known for being lost. That’s not me. I know what I want. But I’m forced into waiting by a God who apparently thinks I’m not ready and I’m just supposed to be okay with that.

I’m angry and I’m learning to let go of you, to trust God. Because apparently that’s what I’m supposed to do. I know God hears my prayers, and sees my tears, and He feels the lonely nights. I know He wants to see me grow stronger. I don’t doubt that. But why does He have to crush me to do it? Why does He have to take the one dream I’ve always had and crush it?

I can only hope He knows what He’s doing. I can only hope He doesn’t forget me in the chaos. I can only hope whatever it is He’s making me wait for, it’s good. And I can only hope that I learn to trust Him in time.

But for now, I wait.

With love,

Yours

Letters, Letters to My Future Soulmate, Life, Love, Thoughts

letters to my future soulmate // the second

Dear Future Soulmate,

What do you dream of? Do you dream of me?  Do you imagine what our life will be like? Do you imagine our kids? Maybe even our pets? Do you dream of our first date? The first time we hold hands as we walk the coastline? Our first kiss? I do.

What do you hope for? Do you hope for a well-to-do life or will my love be enough? Do you hope for a house full of kids or am I all you need? I hope for these things too. I hope to provide for us so that you never have to go wanting. I hope that our love is  : what will inspire our children to grow into amazing men and women of God.

What do you fear? Do you fear the dark? Do you fear the night, what lurks in the shadows of your heart? Do you fear instability? Do you fear the past? Do you fear insecurity? Let me be the one to hold your hand in the dark, to wrap my arms around your shivering body and ward off the nightmares. I will never leave you alone to fight on your own. I promise. You and I, we can make something beautiful out of our pasts. Let’s mend them together and mold a brilliant future. Together.

What do you enjoy? Listening to Christmas music while drinking hot cocoa next to the Christmas tree? Reading a good book by the fireplace? Expressing yourself through paint? Music? Pictures? Writing? Let me be the one to sing Christmas songs to you while I make us hot cocoa. I’ll write stories for you – stories you can read by the fireside. The worlds I create, they’re all for you.

Wherever you are, whatever you’re going through, I hope you know how much you are loved. And we haven’t even met yet.

Love always,

Your future soulmate

Dreams, Letters to My Future Soulmate, Life, Love

letters to my future soulmate // the first

Dear Future Soulmate,

I hope this letter finds you well. I hope that you are surrounded by good people. I hope that you’ve been blessed with a good life, a loving and supportive family, friends who have your back unconditionally.

I don’t yet know who you are. I don’t know where you are in life. I don’t know what your faith looks like. But I pray for you. I imagine what you must be like. I imagine that you’re a beautiful, faithful woman of God. I imagine that you’re a woman who loves to worship and pray. I imagine that you have a beautiful voice and one day we can make music together.

I imagine that you are more than just my future wife. You’re a partner, a help-meet. You’re somebody I will one day get to lead beside in ministry. You’re someone I can pour my heart out to.

I wonder sometimes what you look like. I’ll admit, I can be vain. I hope you’re drop-dead gorgeous. But even more, I hope that I will be good enough – I hope that we’ll be good together.

I look forward to the day we meet – or maybe we’ve already met. I so look forward to our first date. In fact, I’ve daydreamed about it quite often. I look forward to our wedding, to adopting kids and fostering kids, to bringing biological children into this world with you.wanderlust

I long to hold you, to be your protector and comforter, to make you feel secure. To
feel your heartbeat
against mine as we begin our journey together.

I long for someone with whom I can share my dreams. I long to be someone with whom you can share yours. Then we can chase them together.

I wonder, what color are your eyes? What do they reflect? I pray that every person who looks into your eyes sees the eyes of a dreamer, one whose never lost hope.

I hope that we can challenge each other to go harder and deeper after God. And if I’m being honest, I hope you’re a worshiper and a songwriter too because it’s always been a dream of mine to lead worship side by side with the woman I love.

I hope you like to read. Because I have dozens of stories I want to share with you. I’ll keep you up at all hours of the night inviting you into all my little worlds, enrapturing you with countless tales. I hope you’re ready for that.

Do you like to travel? I’m a bit of a wanderer at heart, but if I could see all the edges of the earth with the woman I love, I’d be the happiest man alive.

What is your story? Where have you been? What have you been through? Who has hurt you, abandoned you, rejected you, betrayed you, lied to you? I can’t wait for you to tell me. And I’ll tell you my story too.

And we’ll mend each other.

I’ll love you. And you’ll love me. Unconditionally. Irrevocably. Forever and always. Til death do us part and we meet again in the next life.

Love always,

Your Future Soulmate