Dreams, Life, Living, Love, Thoughts

i had a dream

I get these nightmares sometimes. More often than not, they’re not what you’d expect. Yes, I dream of hellish monsters and ghoulish demons, but rarely do those dreams stick with me because, lets be realistic here, most peoples’ worst fears are not of monsters and demons. Most people fear other people and what they might do.

I had a dream last night that somebody I used to know came into my home with all my family. This somebody, who betrayed me, lied to me, broke promises, put me down, talked about me behind my back – this somebody began to win over my family members, one-by-one. I remember, in the nightmare, feeling scared because I didn’t know what to do. I felt trapped. No one would listen to me. They just couldn’t believe that such a nice guy would do something like what I said.IMG_1904

Reflecting on this dream now, I’m reminded over another nightmare I had a few weeks ago where one of my close friends gave me the cold shoulder because of a falling-out I had with another close friend.

I think it’s easy to see what I fear the most. I’m afraid that I’ll  be put back in a position where I must sit quietly, taking on the abuse of another as they tear me down. I’m afraid that my family will think I’m “only exaggerating” about the things that eat me alive at night. I’m afraid that I will never learn to stand up for myself. I’m afraid that all the pain I felt once will come back to me because I almost couldn’t bear it then. So how could I bear it now?

The thing about fear, though, is that so many people let it cripple them. So many people let their fears turn them into a victim. I will not be a victim, though. I refuse to be a victim. Fear is real. Anxiety is real. Depression is real. Hurt is real. Sadness is real. Shame is real. Regret is real. Pain is real.

And so many people live like that’s all there is to this life. But guess what?

Hope is real. Strength is real. Courage is real. Victory is real. Relief is real. Healing is real. Love is real. Transformation is real. Restoration is real. So, yes, pain is real, but hope is too. You choose what defines you.

Choose wisely.

Dreams, Letters to My Future Soulmate, Life, Love

letters to my future soulmate // the first

Dear Future Soulmate,

I hope this letter finds you well. I hope that you are surrounded by good people. I hope that you’ve been blessed with a good life, a loving and supportive family, friends who have your back unconditionally.

I don’t yet know who you are. I don’t know where you are in life. I don’t know what your faith looks like. But I pray for you. I imagine what you must be like. I imagine that you’re a beautiful, faithful woman of God. I imagine that you’re a woman who loves to worship and pray. I imagine that you have a beautiful voice and one day we can make music together.

I imagine that you are more than just my future wife. You’re a partner, a help-meet. You’re somebody I will one day get to lead beside in ministry. You’re someone I can pour my heart out to.

I wonder sometimes what you look like. I’ll admit, I can be vain. I hope you’re drop-dead gorgeous. But even more, I hope that I will be good enough – I hope that we’ll be good together.

I look forward to the day we meet – or maybe we’ve already met. I so look forward to our first date. In fact, I’ve daydreamed about it quite often. I look forward to our wedding, to adopting kids and fostering kids, to bringing biological children into this world with you.wanderlust

I long to hold you, to be your protector and comforter, to make you feel secure. To
feel your heartbeat
against mine as we begin our journey together.

I long for someone with whom I can share my dreams. I long to be someone with whom you can share yours. Then we can chase them together.

I wonder, what color are your eyes? What do they reflect? I pray that every person who looks into your eyes sees the eyes of a dreamer, one whose never lost hope.

I hope that we can challenge each other to go harder and deeper after God. And if I’m being honest, I hope you’re a worshiper and a songwriter too because it’s always been a dream of mine to lead worship side by side with the woman I love.

I hope you like to read. Because I have dozens of stories I want to share with you. I’ll keep you up at all hours of the night inviting you into all my little worlds, enrapturing you with countless tales. I hope you’re ready for that.

Do you like to travel? I’m a bit of a wanderer at heart, but if I could see all the edges of the earth with the woman I love, I’d be the happiest man alive.

What is your story? Where have you been? What have you been through? Who has hurt you, abandoned you, rejected you, betrayed you, lied to you? I can’t wait for you to tell me. And I’ll tell you my story too.

And we’ll mend each other.

I’ll love you. And you’ll love me. Unconditionally. Irrevocably. Forever and always. Til death do us part and we meet again in the next life.

Love always,

Your Future Soulmate