Those of you who know me know that I’m a very family-oriented person. I grew up believing firmly that I would marry at 21, that I would have my firstborn at 23. That I would be living the life.
Well, here I am. Almost twenty-one and the only girlfriend I’ve ever had (it was a long distance thing that lasted all of three months) is now a lesbian. And as far as I can see, I won’t be getting married anytime soon.
I won’t say that I feel hopeless or dissatisfied or unfulfilled in my life because that’s absolutely not true. I feel completely hopeful and satisfied and fulfilled. My parents and siblings are awesome. I have found a beautiful soul family in my best friends. I have a wonderful job that will enable me to be able to support a family in the future. I lead worship at my church. I am growing in Christ. Life is good.
Still, something is missing. And I’m learning that that’s okay. It’s normal.
I see all these articles coming from Christian media that say single Christians have to learn to be okay with being single. I disagree. If you want to be okay with being single, go ahead. But if you know that God has called you to marriage, then hope and dream and strive all you want.
It’s perfectly normal to feel that there is something more if you’re single and are called to marriage. Why? Because man was created for community. And the marriage covenant is the single most intimate human relationship this broken world has to offer. What’s more? It’s a beautiful image of the relationship between the Christ and His bride (us, the Church).
The desire to marry is profound. It’s a desire to take on the responsibility of at least one more human life. It’s a desire to love selflessly and share your life – your wins and your losses, your hopes and your dreams – with someone else. It’s a desire to never be alone. God didn’t create the marriage covenant on a whim. He knew what He was doing. He knew that man would crave companionship. Yes, intimacy with God is the ultimate.
But what if – and this is just a shot in the dark, here – what if… intimacy with a spouse cultivates a deeper level of intimacy with God?
That being said, I will never stop hoping and longing for marriage. One, it’s who I am. Two, it’s who I’m called to be. Three, God created marriage for me. So that I would not have to be alone.
And nobody is going to tell me that I have to “just be ok with being single.” Because that doesn’t even have anything to do with it.