Life, Ponderings

i’m letting go

I’m in that place in my life recently where my anxiety and stress levels have hit the roof. The cry of my heart has been, “God, what am I supposed to do? What’s next?”

Much to my chagrin, I’m the type of person that likes to have a plan. I need to know what’s next. Flexibility is not a natural trait of mine. For me, it’s a learned discipline.

But still, it’s hard.

 I feel like I’m stuck. There are several reasons for this. 1. Everything seems to be working against me as I attempt to enroll in classes this fall. (I have less than a week until my classes start and I don’t know what class I’m taking, nor have I ordered my books.) 2. I’m still single. Now, to some people this may not seem like a big deal. But I’m ready to move on from this part of my life (single, college-aged, working man) to the next part of my life. And for me, the next stage in life involves starting a family and a career. I see young husbands and fathers and I want that. I’m ready to begin
that part of my life. 3. My current job (retailer) is not fulfilling and, frankly, makes me feel like a zombie.* I’m ready to begin a career-type job.

Basically, if I’m not moving forward in life, I feel like I’m going nowhere. But one of the things God’s been working with me on is learning to embrace the little things, learning to recognize every one of life season’s for what it’s worth.

Because every season has its purpose.

I wrote a song once with the lyric:

I have come to the end of this desert

only to see this mountain that’s in front of me.

This was written about my time at college this past year. I came through a season where I felt so dry, where God felt distant, where I felt like I was crawling in the dirt, grasping at the promise of a distant oasis. I was roaming the wasteland. And by the time I came out of this season of life, I was confronted with a mountain. This mountain veiled what lay beyond. All I could do was scale its rocky heights, even though whatever lay beyond remained a mystery.

Now, in retrospect, I see why these seasons are important.

They taught me patience. They taught me endurance. They taught me what it truly means to have faith, to trust God. They taught me empathy and compassion.

And through it all, I’ve learned to let go. To let go of my plans. To let go of my dreams. To let go of my fear. To let go of my doubt. To let go of my past. To let go of it all, to give it to God, and fall into His promises.

“I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid.” – John 14:27

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” – Matthew 11:28-29

*I just applied to a job at my bank. I would greatly appreciate prayers that I get hired.

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